Guidance Needed For Growing Up Chaos

“What happens when an entire generation does not grow up?”  This was the hyperbolic title of a recent article in the Wall Street Journal.  But there is some – perhaps a lot of truth – to the notion that failing to launch has become commonplace.

“It’s up to Max.” So said two nice parents from Old Lyme, CT.  They were following the good parent playbook of recent vintage: let the child make his own decisions.

In this case, the decision was whether to attend college.  Max was no different than most teens (particularly boys).  He was a B student.  He didn’t love school. But he did fine.  His parents were no different than most parents in Old Lyme, CT (and surrounding Shoreline, CT towns).  They had the resources to help Max go to college but he would have to take out some student loans.

He was somewhat reserved so – like most of this generation with a touch of social anxiety – had as much nervousness about college life as he did excitement.

My questions and Max’s responses.

What was Max going to do if he didn’t go to college? “No idea.”

The trades?  No interest.

The military?  No interest.

Any other type of apprenticeship or career training?  “No idea.”

Create an interesting gap year?  “What’s that?”

As recently as ten years ago, this would have been an easy discussion: you are going to college.

Now, parents – understandably – are hesitating in pushing college.  I get it. I really do. We are in age of chaos.  The straight line path from high school to college to a promising career is no longer as much of a sure thing as before.

Nonetheless, college is still better than “not college’ for the vast majority of Connecticut suburbanites who almost all – in my experience – are not interested in either the trades or the military which are the two most viable “not college” options.

But, as it turned out with Max, who did not go to college, took a few classes at community college (which is decidedly uninspiring and rarely leads to the hoped for “waking up” before moving to a four year school), and quite literally became a dishwasher for a year before becoming a waiter.

When we met again, the first thing he said was: “I should have just gone to college.”

With all that said, I don’t simply say to all: go to college.

Instead, I guide students/parents to figure out the plan for college or “not-college.”

The latter usually ends up being unattractive.

Then the budding young adult understands: I need to get serious about the transition.