Your boy is not motivated?

Male Underachievement in Education: A Growing Challenge for Connecticut Shoreline Families

A decade ago, I wrote Motivate Your Son after observing a clear pattern among the families we served at The Learning Consultants. While we worked with equal numbers of boys and girls, motivation—not study skills, not test-taking—was overwhelmingly a boy issue. In the book, I made a prediction that many boys would struggle to launch into adulthood, meaning they would not become financially independent in a timely way. Unfortunately, this prediction has proven accurate. Boys who fail to launch often struggle not only in careers but also in areas such as relationships, mental health, and overall life direction.

Male underachievement has become a significant issue across the Western world, but I first noticed the pattern in local communities such as Guilford, Madison, Essex, Old Lyme, Old Saybrook, East Lyme, and other Connecticut Shoreline towns. What began as a series of local case studies expanded into a phenomenon that parents across the United States—and even in Canada, England, and Australia—recognized immediately when reading my book.

Causes of Male Underachievement

Several factors contribute to the motivation and achievement challenges boys face.

One major factor is that boys and girls often learn differently. Many boys are hands-on, experiential learners, while girls tend to be more verbal and auditory. The traditional lecture-and-note-taking model aligns more naturally with the way many girls learn and can leave boys disengaged or restless.

Another factor is the lack of male role models within schools. Because the vast majority of teachers and counselors in K–12 education are female, many boys do not see adults who share their gender, interests, or communication style. This can create distance, reduce motivation, and lead to a sense of disconnection from school.

Boys are also more likely to be diagnosed with learning disabilities or ADHD, conditions that can complicate school performance if not addressed properly. They are suspended or expelled at far higher rates than girls, which disrupts learning and can lead to long-term social and emotional challenges.

Consequences of Male Underachievement

The consequences are significant. Boys who underachieve academically are more likely to drop out of school and face reduced earning potential and fewer opportunities. Many experience shame or frustration that leads to social withdrawal, low confidence, and sometimes depression or risky behavior.

On a broader level, society feels the impact as well. A generation of young men who are not adequately prepared for the workforce or for the responsibilities of adulthood affects families, communities, and the economy.

There is good news: boys can thrive with the right guidance, structure, and motivation. We have spent years helping boys along the Connecticut Shoreline strengthen their drive, develop resilience, and regain confidence academically and personally.

If you have a teen boy who is showing signs of disengagement, lack of motivation, or underachievement, do not wait too long. We are here to help.