The non-parent guide

Why Students Listen to Me: The Advantage of Not Being the Parent

“I am not the parent… so my advice is brilliant,” I say this jokingly, but there is more truth to it than most parents realize.

“He’ll listen to you,” Cindy said recently as we laughed about how her son would follow my guidance but not hers—even though we agreed on almost everything. This is extremely common. In fact, a guidance counselor from a local high school along the Connecticut Shoreline told me that several students view me as “a guru of sorts.” While I appreciate the compliment, I also know that many of the insights I share are similar to what well-educated, thoughtful parents in Guilford, Madison, Old Saybrook, Old Lyme, East Lyme, Essex, and other Southeastern Connecticut towns already understand.

So what is my secret?

I am not the parent of your child.

And that single fact changes everything. Teenagers often resist advice from the people closest to them, even when the advice is good. But when the same message comes from a neutral, trusted adult—one who is not part of the daily family dynamic—they suddenly hear it differently. They respond. They act. They take ownership.

My role is not to replace your guidance, but to reinforce it. I help students do what they should be doing—what you already know they should be doing—without the emotional friction that so often gets in the way between parents and teenagers.

That’s the power of an outside voice. And it’s one of the reasons college counseling, academic coaching, and career guidance can be so effective for Shoreline families.