Healthy Academic Striving: How We Help Young People Psychologically

“They just want me to do my best.”

I asked Ted, a sophomore at Valley Regional High School in Essex about his parents’ reaction to his mediocre grades.

In the “old days” – which are not too distant, perhaps 20 years ago – parents pushed their children to excel.

The backlash has been so fierce that now many parents do not want to “pressure” their children in any way.

I understand.  Both as a parent of 3 and as someone who has worked with teens along the Shoreline of Connecticut for two decades, I am well aware of the increased levels of anxiety among teens.

Here’s my central thesis: underachieving due – in part – to lack of guidance/encouragement and I dare say “pressure”- has created more anxiety than too much pressure.

Those who are floundering feel bad and then they feel anxious.

I had a mother who literally looked at my report card of 5 As and an A- and said: “why the A-?”  That is definitely not the way.

But no pressure – which is akin to negligence – is not the way either.  Presumably you “pressure” your children to eat healthfully.  You create standards and offer guidance to ensure that they do not eat candy all day.

Do the same with work.

“We love you regardless.  How do you feel about your grades?  Do you want to improve?  How can we help you do so?”

We can help in that regard.