“Daryl is brilliant…” Haha – I am not the parent!

Why Students Listen to an Outside Mentor More Than Their Parents

“I am not the parent… so my advice is brilliant,” I often joke.

Cindy put it perfectly when she said, “He’ll listen to you,” as we laughed—again—about how her son readily followed my guidance but resisted nearly identical advice from his mother. This dynamic is common, even when parents and I agree on virtually everything.

Recently, a guidance counselor from a Connecticut shoreline high school told me that several students viewed me as a “guru.” While I appreciate the compliment, the truth is simpler: much of the advice I offer is the same guidance many well-educated parents in Guilford, Madison, Old Saybrook, Old Lyme, East Lyme, Essex, and surrounding towns would also give.

The Real Difference: I Am Not the Parent

That distinction matters. Teenagers often react differently to outside mentors than to their own parents. When guidance comes from someone who is not embedded in daily family life:

• They hear it as objective

• They view it as professional rather than personal

• They feel less pressure

• They are more receptive to correction

• They tend to follow through more consistently

My opinion: the core of my effectiveness is that I bring expertise without parental emotion. That combination allows me to help students do what many parents already know they should be doing.

A Neutral Voice Can Move Students Forward

Parents provide love, support, and structure. An outside advisor provides distance, clarity, and authority. When combined, students make progress faster and with far less conflict at home.